Hogwarts Hotline
by Lizzie3
Summary: FInd out what happens in this hotine


"Hermione," said Professor McGonagall. "I would you to run an advice service. I've seen many students looking erm… worried."  
  
That afternoon, Hermione set up the special magic phone. Straight away, it rang.  
  
"Hello, Hogwarts Hotline," said Hermione.  
  
"Hi, my name's D… Debbie," said a high-pitched voice.  
  
"Hi Debbie, what can I do for you?" asked Hermione.  
  
"Well see," said Debbie. "I'm not really a girl."  
  
Hermione whacked her hand against her forehead. Gross, she thought.  
  
"I'm really a guy," she…or he… continued. "I just like, really want to be a girl. I mean, they get to wear the prettiest clothes! I mean, I just love dresses! Also, I hate my short hair. I wanna wear plaits! And the other thing is, I'm in love with a boy in my dormitory. He is soo cute! Anyways, the point is, how do I become a girl without making people freak out?"  
  
"Well, you should just tell people. I'm sure they'll understand. If they don't accept it then tell them they are noodle heads."  
  
"Wow, thanks!" squealed Debbie. "See ya!"  
  
"Bye Draco," said Hermione.  
  
  
Hermione hung up, shaking her head. She started some homework. After a little while the phone rang again.  
  
"Hello, Hogwarts Hotline," said Hermione.  
  
"Um, hi," someone grunted. "See, I have this um, problem."  
  
"Tell me all about it," said Hermione.  
  
"Well, I think someone in my dorm room is coming onto me. He said, "Hey sweetie," and stroked my chin."  
  
Oh gross, thought Hermione.  
  
"Well, tell this boy that you're obviously not gay and that you don't like to be called sweetie and if he continues it you won't be very sweetie anymore."  
  
"Thanks," grunted Goyle and hung up.  
  
Hermione hung up and made a face. After more homework, the phone rang.  
  
"Hello, Hogwarts Hotline," she said.  
  
"Hello," said a familiar grown-up voice. "I'm er, Professor X."  
  
"Hi Professor X, what can I do for you?"  
"I'm in love with Professor McGonagall!" blurted out Professor X.   
  
"Uh huh," said Hermione.  
  
"She doesn't like me very much; in fact, I think she hates me. But I love her! How can I get her to notice me?"  
  
"Professor X," said Hermione. "Be as nice as you can, then ask her out."  
  
"Thankyou," said Professor X and hung up.  
  
"Gross!" exclaimed Hermione out loud. "Who would want to go out with Professor McGonagall?!"  
  
As soon as she said that, the phone rang.  
  
"Hello, Hogwarts Hotline."  
  
"Uh, hi," someone familiar said.  
  
"Ron?!" exclaimed Hermione.  
  
"Shh!" he hissed. "Not so loud!"  
  
"Uh… what's the problem?" asked Hermione.  
  
"Well… um… oh crap, I didn't know you'd be the one doing the hotline!! Anyway, I have a really bad problem."  
  
"Yes?" asked Hermione.  
  
"I um… pickmynose," said Ron in a rush.  
  
"Erm, okay Ron," said Hermione, trying not to crack up. "What you could do is put something stinky on your fingernails so that when you put your finger to your nose you wouldn't want to put it in."  
  
"Thanks Herm," said Ron. "And uh, don't tell anyone, ok?"  
  
"I won't," said Hermione, grinning.  
  
She crashed the phone down and started laughing.  
  
She laughed for about ten minutes and then the phone rang.  
  
"Hello, Hogwarts Hotline."  
  
"Er, hi," said an even more familiar voice.  
  
"Harry?!" cried Hermione.  
  
"Hey," he said. "Well, uh… I have a problem."  
  
"Duh, that's why you rang up," said Hermione softly.  
  
"You know how I wear glasses?" asked Harry.  
  
"Wow, you don't say?" said Hermione sarcastically.  
  
"Well since they look really nerdy, it's eventually going to ruin my hunk status."  
  
What hunk status? wondered Hermione, giggling silently.  
  
"What should I do to get more girls wanting to go out with me?"  
  
"Get contacts," said Hermione and hung up before she could laugh.  
  
Ring ring.  
  
"Hello, Hogwarts Hotline," said Hermione.  
  
"Um, hi," said a slightly strangled voice.   
  
"Are you okay?" asked Hermione.  
  
"No!" cried the voice. "Um… I ate my toad."  
  
"You WHAT?!" cried Hermione.  
  
"See, I was eating a chocolate frog and I picked up my toad by mistake."  
  
Hermione tried not to throw up. Yuck! she thought.  
  
"What should I do?" the voice asked.  
  
"Did you chew it?" asked Hermione.  
  
"Yes, but the head is stuck in my throat," said the toad eater.  
  
"Go to the hospital wing," said Hermione, grimacing. "Quickly, Neville!"  
  
The next day…  
  
"Professor McGonagall, the hotline was a very good idea but people in this school have major issues and I can't handle it," said Hermione.  
  
"That's okay, Hermione," said McGongall. "Oh, do you happen to know why Professor Snape gave me flowers and asked me out?"  
  
A/N: Huh, what's that noise?   
  
Draco: *fluttering a hankerchief" Yoohoo! Goyle!  
  
Goyle: @*%# off! *slap* 


End file.
